Tuesday, October 4, 2011

This is insane!
I need to do sth, put a definite end to this whole depressing stage of mine.
1 month of...God-knows-what is MORE than enough!

It all started with one sorrowful event of losing someone forever. I was hit and from that moment onwards I started losing...myself, my spirit, in fact, everything that was essentially 'me'. It was just like falling into an  endless pitch black abyss. But the scariest thing was not the fact of 'falling' itself but me giving in. The 'usual' me would fight back, would NEVER give in no matter what the circumstances. And yet...

I put on a mask of 'everything is fine' to not trouble ppl around me (I like to keep all bad stuff for myself only, ppl dear to me have enough trouble of their own already - I can take on their burden but I don't wish for them to take on mine). Nevertheless, I became less and less sociable - I avoided seeing, talking or engaging in any kind of social activities that were not crucial for maintaining the 'mask'. Things that I used to enjoy (i.e. fashion, sketching) are no more enjoyable, they became tiresome.

What at first I thought was just a simple mood swing or a series of bad days slowly evolved into something that completely overpowered me, I couldn't do anything and felt nothing but helpless, emptiness and depressed. I guess this is when I finally realized that if I don't fight back now, don't do anything quick..things may totally get out of control, with no way back to the way it was. 

So here I am, struggling and forcing myself to do things that I once used to like a lot). Started with fashion drawing - for instance, this illustration (the result of desperation rather than passion) took me almost 1 week to finish (normally I probably need about a day).

Seriously, I would NEVER EVER thought that one day I would HAVE TO FORCE MYSELF to fall in love with fashion (right now it's surprisingly...difficult).

Life is full of surprises indeed...
you can never be sure of anything...

P.S. Left the hair part untouched because couldn't decide on the color.


  1. I'm sorry to hear about your loss... I know by personal experience that it's not easy and I hope you, for lack of a better word, heal. But, I do want to say Nice job! I personally love your drawing!

  2. Ai cung se co mot lan phai trai qua nhung chuyen nhu vay ma dung khong ?!
    Se on thoi ss !

  3. Be positive and fight back :) after a rain is a rainbow.


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